Yummy!

The heart wants what the heart wants

The frontal lobe that governs our higher, more rational, social behavior is younger and (most of the time) weaker than the older, lizard brain. It developed later than the rest of the brain systems and has only been at least nominally running the show for a short time. Even now, there are a bunch of situations where the frontal lobe checks out for a while and we let the lizard brain take over it's old job. All the flight or fight stuff applies, but also when we're under any kind of stress. It's why we get snappy when we are tired or hungry or stressed out. Loneliness or horniness or emotional pain triggers the lizard brain too. When the lizard brain is in charge, we don't think about others. We are 'me' people. The lizard brain goes for what it wants.

This is more or less what we mean when we say that the heart wants what it wants. When we have those primal desires (pleasure, sleep, power, food), we can act in ways that tend to hurt others and we can do it without really thinking. Romantic love is one of those primal needs. When in the thrall of romantic love (or even some combo of loneliness, addiction, or some other stress), people can make decisions they wouldn't normally make. They'll do things that hurt others. They'll even do things that hurt themselves.

Look at Brett Favre for instance. That man has lived in a storm of adulation, pleasure, and power for decades. He's clearly addicted to it. It takes a lot for him to give that up, and look at all the pain to his family and himself during this last year of his career. I think if there was any way to keep playing at the level he was, he'd do it and damn anyone that stood in his way.

I've been thinking about this a lot as I am going through the divorce process and figuring out my new relationship to my ex. Understanding this hasn't lessened the hurt of some of the things she has done and continues to do, but it helps me understand a little better what's going on and not lose my empathy. It helps me 'keep it classy' and keep my frontal lobe in the driver's seat (can't claim total success on that front but we are grading on a curve here).

The point? Take care of yourself. Get your rest. Eat well. You'll be better to the people around you. But also, understand this aspect of the human condition when judging the behavior of another. Wanting something desperately can make us do some funny things.